Blog Feed – Gearty Delmore Funeral Chapels

Embracing Community

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 17:07:39 GMT

Embracing Community

Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood? Like the Sesame Street song has crooned for 56 years, the mail delivery people, coffee shop baristas and hardware store proprietors are all people that you meet when you’re walking down the street each day! At Gearty-Delmore, we, too, are the people in your neighborhood. With its headquarters on West Broadway in Robbinsdale, our funeral chapel has quietly reigned over the busy street for 70 years. We also have a neighborhood presence on Vicksburg Lane in Plymouth and Wooddale Avenue in St. Louis Park. Family-owned and operated for nearly 100 years by the Davis, Gearty and Delmore families, respectively, we are here to serve you – and the community.

A Commitment to Compassion

At the heart of our practice are the dedicated funeral directors who demonstrate unwavering compassion and empathy every day. They manage funeral arrangements, of course, but their work also involves consoling grieving families, offering a caring presence, and ensuring that all the details are handled with respect. A true vocation, our funeral directors are consummate professionals who also have a deep-seated commitment to serving people during their most vulnerable moments.

Education and Support

An important aspect of our work is in educating people about end-of-life planning, grief support and funeral traditions. Every year, at our chapels as well as local churches and/or community centers, Funeral Director and Preplanning Specialist Jessi Rinne hosts seminars designed to empower people to make informed decisions about end-of-life planning.

Environmental Responsibility

As in all industries, a growing awareness about environmental responsibility and sustainability has increased in recent years. Recognizing this trend, we worked with the Catholic Cemeteries of Minneapolis and St. Paul to begin creating natural burial sections within its cemeteries. While this is still an emerging area, we are proud to have taken these proactive steps to help families interested in more eco-friendly burial options.

Community Engagement

Businesses that act as strong corporate citizens are important to the people in your neighborhood. From monetary sponsorships and donations to volunteer hours, our organization and funeral directors have given back to the community in countless meaningful ways. Local boards and chambers have benefitted from owner Dan Delmore’s leadership and strategic thinking skills. Several of our funeral directors have served on Robbinsdale’s Whiz Bang Committees over the years. Our team members have mentored robotics teams and coached youth hockey, softball and baseball teams across the Twin Cities. And the number of volunteer hours racked up by the team at their churches and children’s schools also add up to engaged citizenship!

Caring for the Poor

In the Catholic Church, "burying the dead" is considered a corporal work of mercy, which is an act of respect and charity for the deceased. Burying or entombing the deceased’s body or cremated remains is a way to show reverence for those who have passed away. Gearty-Delmore has a long-standing practice of ensuring a dignified end-of-life commemoration for the poor among us. At these times, our directors, along with other caring members of the community, give of our time and resources to ensure a proper burial for a member of our society whose death might otherwise go unnoticed.

A Lasting Impact

We believe that our legacy lies not only in the funeral services we provide but also in the positive impact we are leaving on our communities. Whether through acts of kindness, educational outreach, or environmental stewardship, we are proud of the commitment we’ve made that goes well beyond our professional obligations. It’s all about showing up.

Which reminds us: we had a great time when we showed up at the 2025 Robbinsdale Meet and Greet earlier this fall. After all, we are the people in your neighborhood!

All Creatures Great and Small

Thu, 13 Mar 2025 16:38:04 GMT

Most of us enjoy a bit of variety in our workdays. For me, one of the things I have always enjoyed about funeral service is that we never know what is coming next. On any given day, we might move from directing a high-profile funeral complete with news crews and hundreds of mourners to handling arrangements for someone with little or no family and the potential for no one to grieve their passing.

I hold a firm belief that all creatures – great and small – deserve the dignity of a pause to commemorate their lives by surrounding them with earthly affection for a heavenly sendoff. Whether serving a prominent family, a lonely soul, or somewhere in between, our funeral directors are called upon day after day to bring respect, compassion and caring to every person that we serve.

The variety in a funeral director’s day is set into motion the moment they step into the building each morning. From the first exchange over the phone, they begin prioritizing actions, lending a listening ear and understanding family dynamics. Of course, there are many details that must be coordinated between the family, our funeral directors, and our business partners, making funeral directors very good multi-taskers. Another important part of their work is in keeping personal information to themselves and protecting privacy, while also bringing dignity to every death experience, regardless of status.

Every spring, for many years, I’ve spoken to the U of M’s Mortuary Science students about the importance of burying the poor as a corporal work of mercy. Understanding that they will be called upon to carry out this act of kindness is likely something to which the students haven’t given a lot of thought. To help bring this idea to light, I share stories from my own experience, including the story of Cordelia and Junious, a rather unlikely friendship between a well-to-do local woman and her neighbor, a mentally disabled gentleman. Cordelia and Junious’ friendship story is one of the strongest demonstrations of acts of kindness in action that I have ever experienced! Their story not only demonstrates the point being made, it also warms my heart (and those of the students) year after year! A previous blog telling the story of Cordelia and Junious can be found here: https://www.gearty-delmore.com/junious-cordelia-and-the-corporal-works-of-mercy

Variety in the workday? Absolutely. Circumstances that vary widely from death call to death call, yes, indeed. The ability to provide care, compassion and respectfulness to all? Most definitely. We serve all creatures – great and small – with that same dignity.

Grief and the holidays

Thu, 05 Dec 2024 16:55:36 GMT

Making it through "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

We’re nearly “programmed”, from a very young age, to look forward to the holidays and all the joy the season brings. As children, we begin jumping around as Halloween candy is devoured and keep up the happy dance until Christmas Day. All-day holiday gatherings with cousins and friends are the highlight of the season. Church services enhanced with horns and violins fill our souls as we celebrate Jesus’ birth. We look forward to the spiritual renewal and the emotional boost of being with those we love most.

Until we don’t. The holidays present an entirely different picture for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. For these families, the holiday anticipation might change from seasonal joy to staggering dread. As time moves forward and the holidays loom, those who are grieving wonder just how they will get through it all.

Grief experts agree that a foundational step is in acknowledging your grief, how you’re feeling about dealing with the holidays, and then sharing those feelings with close family and friends. These experts tell us to embrace the feelings and let them wash over us, not suppress them. It’s suggested that you keep the traditions you treasure most, knowing that you might feel gut-wrenching grief as these activities take place, and may get through it all feeling not quite whole, granted, but somehow strengthened.

Acknowledge Your Feelings
Give yourself grace by allowing all the feelings, whether finding joy in the traditions or a profound sense of loss. Allow yourself to continue walking your own grief path.

Create New Traditions
Keep the memory of your loved one alive by carrying out their favorite holiday traditions. Over the years, families have shared with us how they did just that – carved the turkey just the way dad did, baked grandma’s favorite cookies, shared a holiday toast with the family. As difficult as this may sound, we’ve heard time and again how in the end, these traditions helped them find the part of their loved one that still lives within them. And that they are so grateful that these family traditions continue to honor their loved ones.

Seek Support
Sharing your feelings with someone who understands – a clergy member, family member or friend – can be incredibly comforting. Many communities offer grief support groups, especially during the holidays, where you can connect with others who are experiencing similar feelings.

Set Boundaries
Set realistic expectations – you don’t have to do it all! Know that it’s absolutely ok to limit your activities, festivities, and time spent in crowded settings. Put yourself first – without guilt.

Embrace the Joy and the Sadness
Find something that brings you joy – just for you. Take care of yourself. This is important throughout all the stages of grief, but in particular, at holiday time.

If you set aside all the fanfare, lights and festivities, the holidays are really about acknowledging our blessings. And the deep-seated grief felt at the holidays is because you were blessed to love the person you now miss. Your grief would not exist if not for the love. Feel that love. Feel the blessing of that loved one. You were blessed. And you will continue to be blessed by that love, both during the holiday season and beyond.

The Ultimate Thank You

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 19:13:34 GMT

Thanking Those Who Served

It’s likely safe to say that most of us have one or more family members who have served in the military over time. Whether serving during peaceful times or during actual military campaigns, these veterans have made both profound commitments and immense sacrifices to serve our country. Personally, I am not a veteran. Rather, I am book-ended by my dad, Bob who served in WWII and my son, Hugh who is active in the military today. Like most of The Greatest Generation, Bob didn’t talk about his years in the service very often. And active-duty Hugh – a quiet but thoughtful guy naturally – doesn’t share a whole lot with me, my wife or his sister, either. Yet, talk about it or not, our family feels Hugh’s absence from many a family gathering, leaving us very much aware of his commitment (and that of all who serve) to keep the rest of us safe. It’s why I make it a point to thank those in the service when I see them. It’s the least I can do.

That said, I’m also glad to have the opportunity to honor veterans in more meaningful ways than a simple thank you. As a funeral director serving the industry for more than four decades, I have plenty of experience helping with veterans’ services. At Gearty-Delmore, our commitment is to stop and help families honor the lives of those who have passed. It’s our privilege to meet with families and help them create just the right commemoration by learning about their loved one and what was important to them. For veterans, this includes conversations about how to incorporate their military service into their final goodbye. For some, military service was a lifelong commitment. Others take lessons in leadership and other learnings with them as they move on to other careers after having served briefly. For these reasons – along with personal preference – how much emphasis to place on the military component can be vastly different from one veteran to the next. Similarly, the benefits available to our veterans can be quite different, too, depending on enlistment status, length of time served and other factors.

Whether we meet with veterans and/or their families ahead of time or at the time of need, funeral directors are an ideal resource for understanding veteran death benefits. Navigating the Department of Veterans’ Affairs can be complicated and overwhelming, even more so during a time of grief. Looking to our funeral directors for help in researching and managing these details can bring both peace of mind and even the potential for a better result.

If interested, you can also find FAQs and additional veterans’ information in the Services section of this website, including a downloadable e-book on Veteran’s Burial Benefits. Click here: Veterans Services .

On this Veteran’s Day, as we pay tribute to all those who served or are currently serving, we thank you for your commitment. And we pledge to honor that commitment in our services to you as we work together to determine just the right commemoration of a live well-lived.

Grief Support

Tue, 17 Sep 2024 15:43:49 GMT

Offering Support through Grief Resources

As I watched Thomas, a grieving widower, walk out the door following his wife Rebecca’s memorial service, I felt a pang of sadness for him. We had spent a considerable amount of time together – in person, over the phone and via email – planning just the right commemoration of Rebecca’s life. It was clear to me that Thomas’ lifelong devotion to Rebecca was deep and genuine. And it was also clear that Thomas would be overwhelmed by sadness and grief in the days ahead.

A week or so after Rebecca’s service, Thomas stopped in with a question. He was busy with all the paperwork and legal matters to attend to and was adjusting to his “new normal”. As we talked, I asked him how things were going. He replied, “I’m doing ok, generally, but the nights are the loneliest.” That was certainly not the first time I’ve heard that response! No matter the scenario, for most grievers, the “busyness” of planning shields them somewhat from the inevitable deep loss and sorrow that will come – in waves, and often at night – after services are complete.

As funeral directors, we believe in the importance of stopping to honor a life well-lived. And we also know the importance of abundant resources once that tribute has taken place. Fortunately, there are many grief resources available today. They range from general education and awareness tools to help understand the phases of grief to more specific programs for children, spouses, those grieving a loss by suicide, and more. Grievers can find one-on-one help through grief counselors who can tailor programs to specific needs or tap into online or in-person support groups.

At Gearty-Delmore, we partner with Circle of Friends, an aftercare outreach program, to stay in touch with the families we have served. Our partners at Circle of Friends reach out at regular intervals, messaging everything from a simple check-in/how are you doing, to offering a variety of resources based on people’s responses to the outreach. The resources they offer change as time passes, with pertinent information also served up as needed or requested. We’ve gotten very positive feedback about Circle of Friends and believe that it is a welcome exchange for families.

You can also find a variety of grief resources in our buildings (just ask our funeral directors), and in the Resources section of our website.

As he headed out of the building, Thomas reached for a local support group brochure from our front desk and my concern for him lifted just a bit. I was sure that a support group would be just the right thing for him on his grief journey – whether that support came during the busy days or helped him make it through the quiet of the lonely nights.

Preplanning: A Day in the Life of Our Preplanning Specialist

Fri, 17 May 2024 14:35:51 GMT

As Jessi Rinne hops in the car for her morning commute, she thinks about the full workday ahead. She knows she will swing into immediate action upon arrival and that her day will be busy – and varied. And she also knows it will be rewarding.

Her destination? Gearty-Delmore Funeral Chapels, where she has helped people with advance funeral planning for more than 20 years. Jessi’s thoughts turn to those she will help in person, over the phone, and via email today. And as she does, she thinks about some of the people she has recently helped as well.

Joe and Teresa have partnered throughout their 50+ year marriage on life’s plans and purchases. Now, they would like to plan their final arrangements together.

Baby boomers Mike and Kelly are spending time preparing for retirement.

Single mother Mary worked hard to keep her kids safe and secure and is once again looking out for them as she considers her end-of-life choices.

Bill and Jane, an aging couple with an adult dependent child, know they will face some difficult decisions ahead.

Curt, who has been battling cancer for several years, is feeling ready to outline his wishes in advance.

And siblings Christine and Todd, who have just helped their mom with their dad’s funeral services, are now interested in helping her with her own advance funeral planning.

Jessi knows that no matter the situation, though it may seem daunting to think about, the benefits of preplanning funeral arrangements are both practically and emotionally abundant. Emotionally, advance planning relieves your loved ones of the burden of making difficult decisions during a time of grief and mourning. And it helps to ensure that your preferences and values are aligned.

Practically, advance planning allows you to financially prepare for your funeral expenses. Setting aside funds for funeral expenses can alleviate financial strain on your family members.

As she pulls into the funeral chapel parking lot, Jessi dons her preplanning cap. She feels good knowing that the conversations she will have today are important ones. She hopes that with her help, folks will gain some peace of mind, having taken care of this important aspect of life. And she trusts that those she is helping can then focus on living fully in the present.

Learn more about advance funeral planning here https://www.gearty-delmore.com/planning-ahead/planning-ahead .

Leaving a Natural Legacy

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 20:00:23 GMT

While I never met the faith-filled woman whose siblings and children recently turned to us to provide her funeral services, I feel as though I knew her well. From rural Minnesota farmland beginnings to a career as an attorney followed by missionary work deep in Africa, it was clear she was determined to give back, to leave a legacy. Hers was a life fully immersed in faith and trust in God, which only intensified as she forged her life’s journey. Forced to leave Africa and her beloved missionary work at a girls’ high school behind when Covid hit, she returned to her home state of Minnesota to begin a new chapter. Unfortunately, soon after her return, she was diagnosed with cancer, which she fought with the same grace and determination she displayed in every aspect of her life.

Her family shared with me that she had prepared for her own death by creating and making known her very specific, detailed instructions for funeral services. A devout Catholic, she knew that she wanted a full Catholic Mass. And she also knew that she wanted a natural burial. Her planning could serve as a full primer for natural burial, flawlessly prepared down to the last detail. Her wishes were honored by her family (this isn’t always the case!), and her body was wrapped in a shroud and laid in a biodegradable willow basket. Her funeral Mass took place at a local Catholic Church. And she was laid to rest in a private family burial at Resurrection Cemetery, in a section dedicated to natural burial. A bitter cold day with strong winter winds blowing, it was not lost on any of us that she was indeed being returned to nature that day!

Like this woman so clearly demonstrated, end-of-life decisions can be compatible with the choices we make throughout our lives. These decisions can – and should – fit personalities and values. For some, the decisions to be made at the time of death are incredibly overwhelming. And for others, these decisions have been thoroughly planned and wishes specifically shared with loved ones ahead of time. As funeral directors, our mission is to help simplify the last goodbye, to create opportunities for family and friends to come together in support of one another, and to provide closure. One of the first – and frankly most important – decisions to be made is whether the deceased will be cremated or buried. An important aspect of our job is to walk families through these choices, and the benefits and costs associated with each of these types of disposition of the body.

In recent years, one of the emerging ways to honor loved ones is through natural burial. At its core, the purpose of natural burial is to allow the body to return quickly and naturally to the elements of the earth and to begin the regeneration of new life. While natural burial is not exactly today’s status quo, it’s easy to see how it is becoming more of interest to those who have a keen interest in helping to preserve our planet and in giving back. At Gearty-Delmore, we are here to navigate end-of-life commemorations, in whatever form those tributes might look like. It was my honor to help simplify the last goodbye for my new, unknown missionary friend. May she Rest in Peace.

Memorial Day, 2021

Wed, 26 May 2021 15:45:00 GMT

Fort Snelling National Cemetery’s Memorial Rifle Squad firing rifles at a Memorial Day Ceremony. Photo credit: MPR Photo/Tim Nelson

Many evenings during the 1970’s, 80’s and 90’s I would gather the people attending a visitation, seat them and ready the podium microphone for VFW or American Legion rituals. It was the era of the World War II veterans, and as the years passed, the numbers of them have continued to dwindle.

Large in number, with uniforms crisp and salutes sharp, the St. Louis Park VFW Ritual Team would come forward to honor their fallen comrade. Faith Hamilton would always be there to sing “Sleep Soldier Boy, Sleep on.” The final snap came from Marv, short in stature and a giant in protocol, his salute remained the sharpest until the day of his own ritual.

The Charles Knaeble VFW Post of Crystal and the Golden Valley American Legion had rituals for the men as well as for the Auxiliary women. The ladies, dressed in blue uniforms with matching pill box hats and red, white, and blue scarfs, would listen as the Chaplain of the Day read the prayers. On cue, they would walk forward and place a flower on the casket.

They lived the common experience of the “Greatest War”, knowing that their generation saved the world from ruthless tyranny. They came home to a great welcome, rebuilt our economy, and raised the baby boomers. Their VFW and American Legion Halls became the place to share their common experiences. Membership swelled and ritual and parade teams were abundant. As they aged, graveside military honors were their way to say good-bye.

My dad served as a Chief Pharmacist’s Mate in World War II. He was stationed in Hawaii and assisted in surgical wards and other duties at a naval hospital. He was never in harm’s way. All through the years that I worked for him, he strictly told me not to have military honors at his funeral, stating “honors are reserved for the ones who put their life on the line every day.”

The next wars were quite different. Both Korea and Viet Nam ended without victory decisions. My generation lived through the Viet Nam war. During my high school years, we watched intently as the birthday draft dates were called. Those who served came home to a very different welcome as compared to their fathers. Membership in the American Legion has not been the automatic decision of the previous generation.

The way we honor our dead has undergone great change in the last portion of the 20th century and the first 20 years of this one. Celebrations and open house style outdoor gatherings have grown in popularity, and while there are still many religious funerals, there are less graveside services that immediately follow.

There is an interesting trend that funeral directors have watched evolve; the desire for survivors to be assured that their loved ones receive the military honors they deserve. You may be amid siblings who cannot agree whether dad should have formal church services or a picnic, but if you need to build common ground, establish the desire for military honors and work backwards. When the military honors are performed, you can hear a pin drop. Everyone is attentive.

As we begin to serve families who have waited for the lifting of COVID restrictions, the schedule for honors at Ft. Snelling is delayed by many weeks. Families are willing to wait for the Ft. Snelling Memorial Ritual Team. The squad is strictly volunteer and unique to Ft. Snelling. The team has been in existence now about 25 years and has endured the loss of their own members who served. Strong in number and very disciplined, they perform throughout the day regardless of the weather. They have gained quite the reputation for quality and service, having been featured by newspapers, local television stations and on national programs.

The military branches also provide two-to-three-member ritual teams who will come to private cemeteries to provide military honors for their veterans. While they do not fire the rifle volleys, they fold the flag, play taps, and present the flag to the next of kin. When the procession arrives, the honor team is waiting to receive their fallen comrade with a salute.

The Anoka County Viet Nam Veteran’s Ritual Team is a group of veterans who have dedicated themselves to honoring their fellow veterans with ritual and an explanation of how military honors came to be, and what each symbol stands for. Families appreciate knowing why the armed forces pay respect to each veteran who has served.

The American and VFW posts throughout the Twin Cities continue to serve their members and veterans with military honors as well. Many posts have combined facilities and ritual teams enabling them to provide the quality graveside services that have long been a part of their service and history.

The United States has witnessed great political division and strife in recent years. It is comforting to see all people come together to honor those who risked their lives for our freedoms to continue. Perhaps it is the common bond that could lead to our nation’s healing.

FEMA Benefits Present New Opportunities

Wed, 28 Apr 2021 20:38:00 GMT

Photo Credit: FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency)

It has been quite a few months since I have written about COVID difficulties and the obstacles to proper farewells the pandemic has wrought on grieving families. The emails I receive daily contain information from the state health department, churches, cemeteries, and caterers that address difficulties in providing services that meet the needs of family and the community.

The Federal emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has recently introduced a benefit plan to assist those who have experienced the loss of family to the Corona Virus. The benefit pays a maximum of $9000 to reimburse Expenses Directly related to funeral, memorial, cemetery or crematory services.

Known as the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Funeral Assistance program, it is ambitious when considering that our county has lost approximately 600,000 people to the virus. Both FEMA and the National Funeral Directors Association have done a good job of disseminating information to aid in proper applications. You will find information on our funeral home website http://www.gearty-delmore.com and on our FaceBook page.

Our phones have rung several times since the rollout from FEMA, so I thought I would answer some of the most common questions.

What is the website address at FEMA to apply?

Applications begin with a toll-free phone call to 1-884-684-6333 from 9 AM to 9 PM ET, Monday-Friday. Following the approximate 20-minute phone application, documentation can be submitted online through Disasterassistance.gov , or by fax to 855-261-3452 or mailed to COVID-19 Funeral Assistance, PO Box 10001, Hyattsville, MD 20782.

What documents are usually required?

The required documents include a copy of the death certificate stating the death as being COVD-19 related, a statement from the funeral home or cemetery showing expenses incurred, and proof of any assistance received from any other source.

Can the funeral home apply on my behalf?

No. Only the individual who incurred the expenses can apply. The funeral home cannot be the co-applicant, nor receive the payment directly from FEMA. The funeral home can help by supplying you with the proper documentation for the application.

Can more than one person apply for the same individual?

FEMA will generally only provide COVID-19 Funeral Assistance to one applicant per deceased individual. Coordination will be necessary between the parties who shared in the payment of services. There can be one applicant and one co-applicant per individual.

Are pre-paid funerals eligible for reimbursement?

The FEMA directives say that “any source of payment designated specifically to pay for a funeral in anticipation of a future death cannot be reimbursed under this assistance. This includes pre-paid funeral insurance, pre-paid funeral contract, a pre-paid trust for funeral expenses, or an irrevocable trust for Medicare.”

I have highlighted what appears to be the most sought after information. There are many more answers and instructions at FEMA.gov/funeral-assistance/faq .

The first time I wrote about the effects of the pandemic, the subject was how many families would not be able to properly say good-bye. Our earliest funerals were limited to twenty people, with families that could total more than 70 members. I wrote of being in churches where grandkids were either in their cars in the parking lot or leaning in the open doors on the sidewalk. Hundreds of obituary notices have stated “services to be scheduled when we can all safely gather.” We have many pending services waiting completion and closure.

The FEMA Funeral Assistance is specifically limited to funeral, memorial, burial, and cremation services. While it will not reimburse flowers, receptions, food or obituaries; it will allow survivors to schedule memorial services at funeral homes and churches and assist in defraying the expenses of clergy, niche or plot expenses, casket or urn.

As Spring arrives and the vaccines take hold, hopefully this added resource will provide the nudge needed to schedule services to properly acknowledge a life well-lived and provide a proper farewell.

DELMORE: A Family History

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 19:16:00 GMT

Photo Credit: FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency)

Sr. Elizabeth Delmore, CSJ gathered us all together at the grave of John Thomas Delmore. It was August, 1974 on a warm day in the St. Mary’s Cemetery, Lyndon Station, Wisconsin. It was a Delmore family reunion that culminated with a prayer service at the grave of the Delmore American family founder. The nun with boundless energy was 53 years old and had recently completed a sabbatical in Ireland where she utilized her Library Science knowledge to study and trace the Delmore family back to the 12th century.

Last March, this blog explored the roots of my mother’s family in Ireland, and I promised that I would lay out the Delmore family history someday. Were it not for Elizabeth Delmore and her published document, DELMORE: A Family History, I would have very little to write.

Elizabeth Delmore was born August 11, 1921 in Roseau, MN to parents John Delmore M.D. and Mary Josephine Frick Delmore. She was raised in the small village on the Canadian border where her father was the town surgeon and doctor for decades, followed in practice by his sons, Dr. John and Dr. Robert Delmore. Her other siblings were Mike, Pat and sisters Marjorie LaBonte and Phyllis Bray. She graduated from The College of St. Catherine in 1943 where she spent many years as Library Director and faculty member. Her classmate and acquaintance of the class of 1943, Margaret Roddy married Elizabeth’s first cousin, Bob Delmore in 1948, my parents.

DELMORE: A Family History is an amazing work. Typewritten with footnotes, mimeographed photos and intricate hand drawn maps, it traces the beginnings of a Viking fleet captained by Herbert in Normandy, circa 912, A.D. He became known as Herbert “de-la-mere”, of the sea. Elizabeth spent considerable time and effort tracing Fitzherbert and discovered that a treaty was signed with King Charles III giving him the territory surrounding Rouen, France in Normandy. His son Fitzherbert later was part of the Battle of Hastings in 1066. Sr. Elizabeth explained in great detail the flow of the family to Ireland, in one place describing their actions by saying “they plundered their way through England and Ireland.” My ancestors were marauders!

The story of the Delamer’s winds through the centuries of land acquisitions and expulsions, as well as many stories of generations of Hugh de-la-mer (where I got the name for my own son). The family settled in the areas of Counties Longford, Westmeath, Meath and even some further west in Roscommon. There is a lasting and living memorial to the ancestors in County Westmeath, known as Multyfarnham Abbey.

Multyfarnham Abbey, located in Multyfarnham, County Westmeath was built between 1270 and 1306 by William Delamer. The Franciscan Minor Friars have been there continuously since 1238 at the invitation of some Norman families. The Franciscan Abbey is the oldest continuously functioning Catholic Church in the Irish midlands for more than 700 years.

The Abbey has been suppressed a number of times throughout history: in 1540 by King Henry VIII, 1651 during the Cromwellian onslaught, a 1590 military raid where five Friars were arrested and three died in custody, 1601 and again in 1604, the friary was raided. With each attack, the Friars would somehow bounce back and continue to operate the Abbey, as they do today.

My wife Mary and I along with our children Hugh and Clare visited the Abbey in 2007. We were there on the Feast of the Assumption, August 15th, where we attended Holy Day Mass with a few Friars and a few town’s people. The Provincial at that time told us that about 4 Franciscans live there at any one time and they continue to minister to the area. William Delamer, of the descendants of de La Mare, (of the sea) is entombed in the wall of the church. He left a centuries long house of prayer in the Longford-Westmeath area.

John Thomas Delmore emigrated to the United States landing in Lyndon Station, Wisconsin. Elizabeth traced his family to the town of Lanesboro in County Longford. Near the town, in the middle of the Shannon River, is a small island named Clawinch. It was the home of the Delmore’s for many generations. John Thomas was the great grandfather of Elizabeth, her sibling’s and cousins, including my dad.

Mary and I visited Lanesboro and Clawinch Island in our first visit to Ireland in 1994. Our tour guides were Mary Brennan Healy and her two brothers, John and Michael Brennan, great niece and great nephews of John Thomas Delmore They took us down to the river and showed us the rickety contraption that previously sent two cattle at a time to graze on Clawinch. I remember being amazed that the flat was seaworthy, and that Clawinch Island could possibly be large enough for grazing with any degree of regularity. I listened to the lore and did not argue. I was, after all, a city kid from America looking at a scull that had obviously been there for generations! Mary and I were warmly treated by my distant cousins that day, I am not even sure if they quite know who we belonged to, but they were hospitable none the same in that uniquely Irish way. If you have traveled to Ireland you know of what I write.

Elizabeth Delmore died on November 15, 2018 at the age of 97, at the Carondelet Village facility of the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet in St. Paul, MN. She lived a vibrant, purpose-filled life, willing to try just about everything from rock climbing to championing women’s issues in the Catholic church. At her funeral, I met nieces and nephews of hers, some for the second time, and a number for the first time. Our bond was her indomitable spirit and her gift to us, this family history.

Elizabeth wrote an addendum to DELMORE: A Family History in 1995. In the introduction, she decided to send the unused notes from the 1970’s research to the next generation, hoping that with the advances in technology, we would be able to piece together a more complete history in the future. She concluded by saying that it put “closure” on my research as I reach my “Golden Years.” She left us a gift that is indeed golden.

Sr. Elizabeth Delmore, in her “Golden Years”

A Return to the Earth: Natural Burial

Wed, 10 Feb 2021 19:50:00 GMT

I was summoned to Our Lady of Peace Hospice in St. Paul about two years ago to meet with a terminal woman who wanted to complete her own funeral arrangements. While not a typical request, I would say I meet a few times each year with a person facing the end of their days on earth.

The small-framed woman was very much at peace that her life was drawing to a close. She had thought things through clearly and knew what she wanted, to be bathed, wrapped in a shroud, and be buried without embalming with her parents and grandparents in the family plot in southern Minnesota. She was asking for natural burial and wanted to be buried as simply as possible. She had many questions about the process, and I will try to answer them to give some insight about natural burial.

What is “natural burial”?

The desire to return to the earth from which we came; naturally without preservative chemicals to delay the process. Simple materials, like a bamboo basket or very simple wooden casket are used. No metal hinges, no plastics nor even zippered clothing. There are no concrete vaults nor granite markers. The well-manicured cemetery lawn is replaced by prairie grasses.

A natural burial grave Photo Credit: Heartwood Preserve

Yes, the natural burial movement is growing across the country with new natural burial grounds being developed and existing cemeteries creating new sections for natural burial. Resurrection Cemetery in Mendota Heights has developed a natural burial section which opened a little over a year ago. This new section does not allow concrete vaults, metal caskets, granite markers, and the bodies are not embalmed.

A view from Resurrection Cemetery’s natural burial section Photo Credit: Resurrection Cemetery

Can natural burial be utilized in existing graves in traditional cemeteries?

To a degree, yes. Traditional cemeteries normally require a concrete vault to hold up the weight of the earth placed back in the grave following burial. It is a maintenance issue to prevent sinking as the ground settles following an interment.

The vault companies make a bottomless grave lining that enables the simple casket to rest on the ground, but has a dome above to hold up the earth. The desire for returning to the elements happens while the level ground is maintained.

Is embalming required?

Embalming is not required for any style of burial with the exception in Minnesota of an open casket for the public. It is possible to view by utilizing dry ice in lieu of embalming. We also have non-toxic plant based embalming fluids that will allow an open casket service when natural burial is requested.

Is a casket required?

The body needs to be conveyed in something rigid. There are simple trays that provide the rigidity while the body is wrapped in some type of biodegradable tarp or pouch. Simple caskets made of wicker or grasses can be used. Plain Jewish Orthodox wood caskets are also permissible. Any all-wood material non-varnished with no metal will work.

Types of natural burial caskets, including a wicker casket, all wood casket, and burial tray and shroud

Can a service still be held?

Yes, either closed casket or by use of non-toxic embalming fluids, an open casket service is possible. Minnesota laws must be followed as to the number of days from death to burial. Most funeral homes have refrigeration systems which enable the number of days from death to burial to be increased.

Is natural burial less expensive than traditional burial?

As with all funeral services, it depends on the decisions made. It can be less expensive if there is no preparation or visitation. The cost of the natural burial casket will range from approximately $400 for the tray and pouch to about $2500 for an orthodox non-metal casket.

Cemetery expenses are higher than traditional burial spots. More upkeep of the ground is needed and preparation of the ground is more difficult. Some of that additional expense is offset by the fact that there is no need to purchase a burial vault nor marker.

How are the graves marked?

The new section at Resurrection Cemetery has one memorial for each section where the individuals buried have their name etched. Solar powered stations provide GPS coordinates that show where the person lies in that section. There are pathways, benches and a gazebo where the graveside services are conducted.

A memorial marker with names etched at Resurrection Cemetery Photo Credit: Resurrection Cemetery

Where can I find more information?

There is additional information on the Gearty-Delmore website as well as the website for Resurrection Cemetery in Mendota Heights. We have information packets that can be mailed out, or feel free to call and asks questions concerning natural burial options.

From the Hagel Farm to Heaven: The Barn Wood of Rogers

Thu, 10 Dec 2020 19:27:00 GMT

Lois Cavanagh Hagel began our conference by admonishing her husband, “LeRoy, you can’t build your own casket, what will people say?”

My notes say that the date was January 28, 2007 and what Lois was referring to was her husband LeRoy’s desire to build his own casket out of the barn wood from his family farm in Rogers, MN.

LeRoy Hagel was born on May 19, 1926. Like so many of his generation, he enlisted in WWII at age 18 and served in the Philippines and the occupation army of Japan. He married Lois, from the very prominent Cavanagh family of Robbinsdale. Lois’ father Phil was a home builder and he taught LeRoy the construction business. LeRoy and his father-in-law built the Hagel family home in Golden Valley.

LeRoy and Lois came that January morning to do what so many people do; pre-plan their funerals to provide guidance for their services and ease the burden of their children. Lois wanted a funeral Mass followed by cremation and LeRoy wanted to build his own casket for burial. They were to be placed in a single grave at Holy Name Cemetery in Medina, their church home where they were extremely active.

Lois was concerned that people “would talk” about the homemade casket. LeRoy explained the theological reason why he wanted to build the casket and the urn for Lois. He built the home where they had resided since the 1950’s, where they raised the kids and where they continued to live in retirement. That house protected them through freezing winters and blistering summers. He wanted to build the “home” that would protect their mortal remains until the day of Resurrection. He wanted to build it of the wood of the family farm, where their son John lived.

LeRoy took measurements of caskets in our building. He measured widths, heights, lengths of the casket to assure it would fit in the vault when the time came. LeRoy proudly called when it was time to transfer the completed product to the storeroom of Gearty-Delmore, the pictures included show LeRoy and me carrying it out of the barn door in Rogers. There was one stop on the way: a Berber outdoors lining was stitched in at Northwestern Casket Co. The interior lid was adorned with a photo of the Rogers homestead.

Lois passed away on January 24, 2016. In all kinds of weather, LeRoy made a daily trip from their home to spend the day at St. Therese with Lois. When we arrived at St. Therese Home, LeRoy was at her side and followed us out to the hearse. As Lois’ arrangements were being finalized, LeRoy decided that he wanted to place Lois’ urn in the casket he had built, and to await him so that she could be placed in the casket with him. LeRoy adjusted to life without Lois, it was not easy for him, but he persevered.

John Hagel lived on the family farm in Rogers. He was the first of three adopted children that Lois and LeRoy lovingly raised. John suffered from a few health issues and relied on dialysis to survive. August 29th of this year, John was found in the farmhouse, his death the result of natural causes.

His service was held on September 3rd at the Plymouth Chapel presided by LeRoy’s pastor, Fr. Steve Ulrick. The music performed by Paul and Jody Keefe, Paul being one of John’s closest and longest friends. LeRoy got up and addressed the friends assembled. He recalled the happy days in Golden Valley, the close relationship of the Keefe and Hagel families, as well as acknowledging others in the room who had been close to John over the years. LeRoy asked for mercy on John’s soul and forgiveness of his transgressions. He went on to ask for forgiveness for himself as well, from anyone in the family that he had wronged, and hoped the good Lord would look favorably on him when his days ended. With slightly misty eyes, he went to the casket of his son, blessed him, said good-bye and commended his soul to God.

It was the last time I saw LeRoy. He went to his daughter’s home in Miller, South Dakota to recuperate and get a little rest. While there, he became ill and died on November 22. The hearse was dispatched to bring LeRoy home.

Tuesday December 1, 2020 was an unusually warm and sunny day. There was a small crowd at Holy Name Church, mostly family and a couple of friends in attendance for LeRoy’s Mass. The cantors were life-long friends, Paul and Jody Keefe. Fr. Steve Ulrick said the Mass. In his Homily, Fr. Steve spoke of the great humility of LeRoy, that he was totally dependent on the Lord. His life consisting of family, the earth and the work of his hands. LeRoy lived the cycle of life over and over, serving his family and his Lord.

People often ask me how I do this day after day, watching the sadness. My answer is to read this article and walk the journey of Lois and LeRoy. They came to see their friend, the funeral director, to plan their services. LeRoy described his wishes for burial that reflected his faith. He left those plans with his friend in total confidence that his wishes would be carried out. This scenario is carried out across our country every day and provides funeral directors the greatest satisfaction in their vocation.

The last act was the burial in Holy Name Cemetery. Fr. Steve and I stayed to be sure that LeRoy’s creation would fit in the vault, the greatest uncertainty of home-made caskets. I told Fr. Steve I would be partly to blame as I was the measuring consultant so many years ago. The casket fit perfectly, a testament to the perfection and craftsmanship of the carpenter, LeRoy Hagel.

In the liturgical season dedicated to preparing for the Lord’s birth, we buried LeRoy with Lois tucked at his side to await the Lord’s return.

“O come, O come, Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel, that mourns in lonely exile here, until the Son of God appear”

November: The Litany of Souls

Wed, 18 Nov 2020 23:30:00 GMT

HEADLEY, NANCY - March 16, 2020

HOLLOM, CHARLES - April 28, 2020

SANFORD, RODNEY - May 14, 2020

SENESCALL, MICHAEL J. - October 25, 2020

November is the month we remember the dead. Last year I wrote about the “Night of the Dead”, a solemn night around the world of families keeping vigil at the graves of their loved ones. “All Hallows Eve” turns to All Saints Day at midnight.

Throughout the month of November, I often look for the Necrology at area churches. Many times the names are beautifully scripted remembering those of the congregation who have died from the previous All Saint’s Day.

Many churches include a “Book of Remembrance” where people are invited to write in the names of those they have lost. Nearly every year that I have been in this field, I have written in the name of my grade school and high school friend, Jeff Battaglia who lived across the street on Salem Ave. Until it closed, I would always write Jeff’s name at Most Holy Trinity, the neighborhood church and school where the Battaglia and Delmore families belonged. Jeff died tragically in a car mishap when we were 19.

I spend many days in churches throughout the Twin Cities and everywhere I find a November Scroll I peruse the names. Many I recognize professionally, but I am also amazed how many names will strike a note of familiarity with me, be they old neighbors, school connections or people I have met along the way.

I have mentioned before that one of the saddest occasions funeral directors face is being summoned to take care of a person with no known connections or known family. They likely do not get a fancy scrolled calligraphy recognition in the narthex of a beautiful church.

The four people listed above are the people who were placed in our care this year where we never traced any family. I felt they deserved a place on a Scroll of Honor.

Here is the little bit of information we gleaned in research on each.

Nancy Jean Headley was born on April 13, 1948 in Aberdeen, South Dakota. Her parents were Harold Butler Headley and Geraldine G. Rasmussen Headley. We knew from the nursing home that she was divorced and that she did attend college for a bit. Her parents were buried in Hutchinson, MN. There were no graves with mom and dad that allowed her to be buried with them. A notice was placed in the Minneapolis Star Tribune announcing graveside services. We always hope someone will attend, there was no one present.

Charles Hollom was a colorful figure. Our research found that he had spent time living in California as both a cab driver in San Francisco and as a stunt car driver for the television industry. He was featured in the cop thriller “Starsky and Hutch”. If you google his name and include People Magazine, a feature piece will pop up talking about his television exploits and how those skills were used on the “Streets of San Francisco”. We know he was born in Minneapolis on January 1, 1941 and that he was a Veteran. One person who befriended him on walks near his nursing home was in attendance at his services.

Rodney Sanford was born on November 25, 1955. We never found what city he was from nor his parents’ names. We have no idea if he was married and to the best of our knowledge he had no children. He died on May 14, 2020 at the North Ridge Care Center in New Hope, MN. His burial took place on May 20, 2020 with only funeral home personnel in attendance.

Michael J. Senescall died October 25, 2020 at the Benedictine Health Care Center in Minneapolis. He was 74 years old, born May 10, 1946 and grew up in north Minneapolis in the Farview Park neighborhood. Although we did not find family, he did have the love and companionship of close friend Shirley, who was with him to the end and attended his burial services held on October 29, 2020.

Throughout the year there were a few more people like our members of the Gearty-Delmore Necrology. We found family for the others, or like Shirley for Michael, they had companionship and friends or case workers that made certain they were laid to rest with as much dignity as possible.

As the month of November continues to head for Thanksgiving and the eventual Holidays, think of Nancy, Charles, Rodney and Michael. Think of the thousands like them around the world who have died in 2020 with very few people to mourn their passing.

Say a prayer for them and for the repose of their souls. They like us, are Children of God.

The Church Ladies Ministry: Another COVID Casualty

Wed, 30 Sep 2020 00:12:00 GMT

Pat Menke, complete with her Holy Family red baseball cap, has held court in the St. Louis Park church kitchen for 30+ years. Surrounding her is a group of dedicated ladies (and a sprinkling of men!) who serve the funeral luncheons for all parishioner families who have experienced the loss of someone close.

On Wednesday mornings at Holy Family, following 8 AM Mass, there has been a gathering of long-time parishioners near the kitchen. Pat makes them all breakfast sandwiches that would rival a fine hotel’s wares. If there is a funeral on that morning, I know that I am to come early and partake- Pat will make extra sandwiches for the funeral directors. The hugs for the family (most Pat knows personally and for years) and the hugs for the funeral directors are given in equal dosages. There is a bond with Pat and the parishioners at Holy Family, an extension of pastoral ministry that she does not even realize she provides. And at the moment, she is not providing as church luncheons have been tabled for social distancing.

The Church or Kitchen Ladies are a staple of congregations from the Methodists to the Mormons. Ask any clergy where the nerve center of their campus is and they are likely to point down the hall to the kitchen. They are the quickest to volunteer and guaranteed to be the quickest with an opinion, whether we are talking new china or a new Clavinova! If you step in the kitchen and ask them the length in years of their memberships, you will get answers ranging from the 1950’ and 60’s to “I was baptized here!” and you are likely speaking to one in their 80’s.

They are fiercely loyal to their congregation, proud to tell you they are a member of the Ladies Circle of Lutheran Women and equally ready to complain a little, telling you that “is not the same since Pastor Jones left”. Pastor Jones may have left in 1967, they are still there, and still not quite sure about the replacement or even replacement of the replacement! They are equally loyal to their regular funeral directors. If you are clear across town, out of your territory, you will likely be quizzed as to why. Once when I explained I was there because the deceased was a relative of my wife’s family, my answer was dismissed as not good enough!

For 44 years I have watched the kitchens do their ministry. Countless children of an elderly parishioner will recognize a face in the kitchen, a dear friend of their mother and a mother of a former classmate in their high school years. Soon they are gathering their siblings together looking through the posters of Confirmands in the hallway. Sure enough, you will find the daughter of the deceased and the daughter of the kitchen lady standing side by side along with the 65 others that routinely matriculated through the 1970’s at so many suburban congregations. The connection to First Lutheran is the now frail body hugging and consoling, and telling them how much the church and the ladies will miss their friend. It is good to come home, especially when home holds the memories of family baptisms, weddings, church festivals and finally, commending a soul to God.

My first funeral home job was right after high school at the Johnson-Boman Funeral Home in Mankato. I was a city kid through and through. I had never been on a farm. The first fall I was there, going to school at Mankato State, my bosses took me to the St. John Lutheran Church in Good Thunder, MN. I was warned never to say or write St John’s, it was St. John Lutheran Church. The funeral luncheons were a grand affair, full chicken dinners with all the fixins. I was there on Christmas Eve morning to help with a funeral. While in the kitchen, one of the ladies asked me when I would be heading to Minneapolis that day to spend Christmas with the family. I explained that I had to stay and answer the phones overnight, and I would be able to go home for New Year’s, but Christmas was my holiday. She worried aloud how I was going to get a Christmas Eve meal and I assured her that I would be fine, I had food in the apartment.

I was in the apartment around 5:30 PM or so, when I heard the buzzer under the canopy door on the driveway. Sometimes when people would die suddenly enroute to the hospital by ambulance, the local service would bring them without notice, so I thought that to be the case. What other possible reason would bring one to a funeral home on Christmas Eve!

I went to the landing and saw one person standing under the canopy. It was my Good Thunder friend, in the cold, with a full tray covered by towels. The church lady had driven all the way in to Mankato, about 10 miles, to bring me a Christmas dinner. She told me that it bothered her all afternoon that an 18 year old had no Christmas Dinner! When I asked her about her own dinner and family, she told me that they were waiting for her at the farm. In classic church lady style, I was told to eat before it got cold. When I unwrapped my meal, it was all there and it was all warm. How she did that I am not sure.

Modern church administrators and pastors will often tell us that the numbers of dedicated church ladies continues to dwindle and they worry that soon only caterers will be available. That is likely true, but it never ceases to amaze me how we arrive to find a kitchen crew, a little older and not moving like they did 20 years ago, but still providing M & M’s (meals and ministry).

The funeral meal and reception is one of the most important parts of a funeral service. It is outreach for the parishes and comfort for the bereaved. The stories flow, memories are shared, friendships rekindled and every once in a while, relationships healed. At the moment, they are not happening at all, the church ladies are benched.

COVID has disrupted many things, and we hear mostly about the economic impacts. The ministry around the coffee pot and the plate of brownies in the church parlor is another casualty with ramifications and unmet grief resolution we may never know.

Home Hospice: A Calm and Peaceful Exit

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 15:19:00 GMT

Photo Credit: Rod Long

I responded to a telephone inquiry earlier this week; “My sister has come home to our house to spend her last days with us. She is on hospice. What do we do when her time comes?”

After my explanation it occurred to me that we answer this question often. I decided to do a little research to back up what seems to be increasing year after year; deaths at home instead of at health institutions.

My sources were the Center for Disease Control (CDC) and the New England Journal of Medicine. The CDC reports that 2,813,503 people died in the U. S. in 2019. The percentages of deaths from natural causes at home or in hospice facilities is now approximately 40 % of that total.

Given the research above, It seems worthy of this article to explain what happens with hospice at home.

The modern day hospice movement took hold in London, England with the opening of St. Christopher’s Hospice in 1967. The mission was to provide end of life care in a quiet patient-centered manner void of the heroic lifesaving attempts when it was obviously no longer needed. Hospice services are now available world-wide with many wonderful programs in the Twin Cities such as J.A. Wedum, Our Lady of Peace and N.C. Little Hospices in addition to home hospice services from North Memorial, Allina, Park Nicollet and many more.

Registration of death with the state health department begins with the funeral home completing the online death registration form that becomes the death certificate. When we arrive at a hospital or nursing facility we are given the physician name and contact to enter into the state system. When a person dies at home, that information comes to us from the medical examiner in the county of death.

Sudden, unexpected or unattended deaths at home are the responsibility of the medical examiner. Usually they require the dispatch of the police and ambulance in a 911 type call. Once cleared by the authorities, the medical examiner may call for the body or may send the funeral home chosen by the next of kin.

Hospice deaths at home are handled differently. The hospice program in cooperation with the medical examiner reaches out to the physician caring for the patient. They pre-approve what the doctor will list as the cause of death when the time comes which eliminates the need for emergency personnel at the actual time of death. When death occurs the family calls the hospice program at any hour of the day or night. Hospice calls the medical examiner who refers to the registration to validate the MD’s signature. The ME notifies the funeral home that clearance is given and to contact the family for the arrival time desired.

Home hospice programs allow time to say good-bye, to care for a loved one personally, sometimes to mend fences and reconcile to say good-bye, and often to provide an opportunity for quiet time where family holds a vigil at the bedside. I have entered hundreds of homes over the years and the atmosphere is almost always the same; family and the closest of friends talking about the one recently passed, recounting stories with hugs and often a toast of a cordial as they are carried out.

I recall being at the home of high school friends who followed the gurney bearing their mother. Four daughters with theatrical experience and stage-worthy voices singing the “Ave Maria” as we stepped into lightly falling snow on a crisp early winter evening. It sounded as though the Heavens opened up and the angels were calling her home.

Death in colonial times were always handled at home. Family took care of the patient; bathing and dressing them in their finest and laying them out in their own bed for family and neighbors to call. Known as the ‘wake”, so named because they kept vigil overnight until burial lest they should “awaken” with burial while still alive being a great fear. The hospice movement has revived some of those same rituals, care for the family member at home keeping vigil until the very end. For many grandchildren and the young it is their first introduction to death. Learning that the world changes with the loss of someone significant, that we sit at their bedside often times gently telling them it is okay to let go is a great blessing and an honor too important to miss.

A Quiet July on Main Street

Tue, 14 Jul 2020 19:08:00 GMT

The cover of Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang, circa 1920s

Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang magazine was the first periodical of Fawcett Publications, founded by Wilford Hamilton “Captain Billy” Fawcett on West Broadway in Robbinsdale, MN in 1919. The Whiz Bang magazine was the bawdiest thing available in the 20’s. It would be comparable to “MAD” Magazine in the 50’s and 60’s. Filled with outhouse humor and ladies bloomers, it was quite the hit and made Fawcett a small fortune through the 40’s. Fawcett Publications left Robbinsdale for the Big Apple, but the spirit of Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang has lived on each July in the Robbinsdale civic celebration known as Whiz Bang Days.

Whiz Bang Days is our name, but the civic celebration has been acted out in countless small towns, suburbs and even metropolises for generations. Parades, fireworks, street dances, queen coronations, carnivals and kiddie rides, you have experienced the routine countless times I am sure.

I well remember my introduction to Whiz Bang Days, it was the year I graduated from the U of M and began working at the funeral home, 1976. One of my very first days I was sent to a Whiz Bang meeting held in the basement conference room of Twin City Federal (now the Wicked Wort Brewery). The meeting was run by Lyle Nash, president of the TCF branch and that year, president of the festival. The conference table was large and had about 12 senior committee members about (the powers that be). On a row of folding chairs against the wall were the junior members and the recruits. 1976 recruits were Lois Ford, Greg Ranczka, Sue Senger and yours truly. In rapid boss fashion, Lyle gave us our assignments- I was delegated to Bruce Krogstad, Treasurer and Ticket Sales Chair. My assignment was to assist Bruce in disseminating the tickets throughout Robbinsdale and to canvas every street in the small 2.99 square mile hamlet. Sounds boring until Bruce told me the duty included squiring the young lady queen candidates to do the sales. Prime duty for a 22 year old single guy!

I was a part of the Whiz Bang Committee for about 15 years. In that time, I was ticket sales, fireworks orderer a few years (a job Sue Senger settled in for many years), I organized the parade alone a few years and for a number of years with Gary Laurant and Mark Steinhauser, both still close friends. I took my turn at President, as most of us eventually did. I met hundreds of wonderful people and whole families, pulled the float in parades with Junior Royalty dads who quickly realized that I was better at being the emcee than handling any kind of tool!

Robbinsdale Whiz Bang Days introduced me to so many civic leaders like Dr. John Luckow, Doc Spurrier, Roger Thompson; all gone now and all leaders with the city band, a spot that Mike Serber has handled for at least two decades. Many competent women business leaders like Bea Wiggins, Kay Marie and Carol, and Shirley Kramer of Citizens Independent Bank who was treasurer for decades before handing the duties to co-worker Mark Morris. My long-time friends Jill Steinhauser, Judy Corrow Raether and many other of the royalty who stayed on for years and assisted. I haven’t mentioned the city hall employees like Russ Fawbush, Bob Wicklund, Mick Spurrier, city managers Walt Fehst and Marcia Glick, police chiefs Wayne Shellum and John Spetch, I could go on and on for days.

Unfortunately, this July will see no parade on West Broadway, no Citizens Bank Ice Cream Social, and no softball tourney. This is the week of Whiz Bang and normally the merchants would be setting up Crazy Days Sales, and the Lions their famous hamburger/brat stand on W. Broadway where you could stop for lunch and catching up with someone you have known for years. It is the year of COVID-19 and the civic celebrations have all been shelved. From Raspberries in Hopkins to Duk Duks in New Hope, they are all canceled.

Civic celebrations have financially struggled for the past 10 years of so. There is so much competition for entertainment that the kiddie carnival and dancelines twirling batons with a visit from the Aqua Jesters just doesn’t seem to capture the fancy of the young anymore. Even the mighty Minneapolis Aquatennial, unquestionably the biggest Summer event around when I was a kid, has struggled and relied on a resourceful Downtown Council to keep the milk carton boat race afloat on a lake now known as Bde Maka Ska! The 10 Best Days of Summer have become 3 or 4 the past few years and this year, none.

The websites for various festivals all vow that they will be back stronger than ever in 2021 and I dearly hope they are. I know that it is much more difficult for the Whiz Bang Committee today than it was for us 25 years ago. The finances are tighter and the volunteer hours are down substantially. Their dedication, sweat and worry will hopefully be rewarded by a line tossed over a tarp announcing a 6 year old girl at the fish pond and maybe even a budding young relationship snuggling under the fireworks on the shores of Crystal Lake. They won’t know who “Captain Billy” Fawcett was, but they will appreciate the community that still holds a tiny spark for the past!

The Interns

Thu, 11 Jun 2020 19:56:00 GMT

Gearty-Delmore’s Interns, Matt DeRuiter, Anna Hoehn, and Nikki Fox

They don’t make ‘em like they used to…….or do they?

Art Johnson was the 60 something owner and funeral director of Strobeck-Johnson Funeral Home in Hopkins, MN in 1974 when I began Mortuary Science at the University of Minnesota. I lived in a nice apartment over the garage, answering phones, working visitations and washing company cars. Many funeral directors can relate to the job title “night attendant”, where most of us started our careers.

Art was a wonderful man and along with his business partner and nephew Ron, were very good to me and taught me much. I look back fondly on my years working for them.

Whenever the conversation at the coffee table got around to schedules and when we were expected to be on duty, Art would pull out the beginning schedule he had in the early 30’s as a young director at Welander-Quist, for decades Minneapolis’ largest funeral home. The younger staff would roll our eyes when he would chide us about how good we had it as compared to his early days.

Fast-forward to 2020 when the 66 year old owner of Gearty-Delmore describes the on call schedule in the ‘70’s, and predictably, the young directors roll their eyes and say, “here we go again”.

I would imagine that after we left, Art would look at Ron and talk about the good old days, saying they don’t make ‘em like they used to, do they? I have had many conversations with my funeral home colleagues and 1976 classmates across the country that conclude with the same sentiment.

Gearty-Delmore has had a remarkably steady staff over the years. We have directors like Al Blau at 40 years; John Carlson, Scott Benson, Brad Fenske and Ken Coutts who have been here over 20 years; Mike Lyons, Jessi Rinne and Carrie Erickson with over ten years here, and many years in other companies!

The first departures in many years occurred this past fall and winter. Carrie went to part time status, 20 year veteran Kelly Schwartz decided to move to a company that services many funeral homes and the departure two years ago of long-time employee Kathryn Anderson needed to be filled.

THE INTERNS

The standard procedure here for years has been to hire from our own night attendant staff. The boss watches them closely, observing good work habits and cooperative attitudes. I don’t recall a time in my 44 years where we hired three interns in one year, but indeed we have made company history, with the additions of Matt DeRuiter, Anna Hoehn and Nikki Fox.

When funeral interns begin, they are placed under the supervision of a more seasoned director by the state. It is to ensure that they learn best practices and have a person with experience to gently guide.

Matt began last August, Anna in September and Nikki just this week, June of 2020. What we expected was the norms of funeral service, sometimes busy, some days quiet with plenty of time for interaction. What we received was COVID-19 and what is turning out to be the busiest year in company history!

MATT DERUITER

Matt is 24 and possesses qualities that belie his age. He has excellent phone and in-person etiquette, answers inquiries in a calm and respectful manner. One of the most important qualities that a funeral director needs is a sense of calmness, the ability to set at ease a person who is stressed, sad, and sometimes fearful of the process of making funeral plans. Matt has the ability to step in calmly and relay by phone and in person that everything is going to be alright, different but survivable. It is a quality that can’t be taught, one either has it or doesn’t. Matt also knows what’s happening with regard to the schedule and keeps a running tab of daily events in his mind, a quality that has been necessary during these busy months.

ANNA HOEHN

Anna is from Waseca, MN, part of a family with a community venue that hosts weddings and hospitality. She knew prior to entering mortuary science what it meant to work weekends, nights and holidays, an important reality for anyone considering the funeral profession. Anna has a twinkle in her eye and an engaging smile that can light up a room. Her kindness and gentleness almost suggest timidity until you watch the work load increase and Anna’s ability to get things done kick into high gear. Excellent in organizing and paperwork, she also has a personality that wins people over instantly. Couple those skills with the ability to relate with families and you have the makings of an excellent funeral director.

NIKKI FOX

Like Matt and Anna, Nikki has spent the last year in our employ as a night attendant. I knew we had the right kind of individual on our hands when the first time I met her I threw a one-liner at her in classic Dan Delmore style. The barb was immediately returned and it has been going on ever since. Nikki is from western Wisconsin, a very small town and from a very close family. She still looks at all of us city dwellers a little warily, but quickly became a staff favorite. She is a quick study, asks many questions and seems to take the role of responsible, ethical funeral practice very seriously. She has a soft spot for all people experiencing grief and a sacred respect for the deceased developed well beyond her year or so of funeral practice.

The University of Minnesota Mortuary Science program has been around for over 100 years and enjoys a well-earned nationwide reputation. They try to expose students to all possibilities when they enter funeral service. I recall being trained 45 years ago about contagious diseases with the assumption that they would be few and far between. Matt and Anna began their internships under that same assumption, only to be confronted with the COVID-19 pandemic and all of its ramifications. Even the most seasoned funeral directors have witnessed circumstances unseen in decades of service.

Our workload was well above normal in April and doubled in the month of May. Matt and Anna stepped up and did what was necessary. We have schedules which normally guarantee certain nights on and off duty. Many nights saw all directors still here at 8 PM due to the high number of calls. Without complaint or grumble, Matt and Anna were with us side by side. Nikki was here after online classes and went with directors to call for those who died, COVID or not. Professional to the end of the day, good attitudes and wide eyes, it was quite an initiation! They handled it all as though they had years of experience.

For decades I have heard pastors and families tell me what a fine crew we have, pleasant to deal with, professional and ethical. The company has been blessed with a sterling reputation that has been earned through dedicated professionals who take their responsibilities seriously. For those of us with more of our career behind than ahead of us, it is comforting to know dedicated directors are lining up to carry on.

I probably should stop at Art Johnson’s grave at Lakewood Cemetery and tell him that I understand the hand-wringing in the office in Hopkins back in 1974. Art was a dignified funeral director who taught many of us how to serve the profession after he was gone. It gives me comfort to be able to tell him that indeed they still do make them the old fashioned way. I watch three examples of the best of the next generation of funeral directors learning and honing their skills every day. May it always be so!

Al and Billie, and the Last of the “Greatest Generation”

Tue, 12 May 2020 17:27:00 GMT

Al and Billie Reger, stationed in Hawaii during World War 2

The renowned NBC News anchor Tom Brokaw published a book in 1998 titled “The Greatest Generation”. He highlighted many people of the generation born in the 1920’s, their formation years mired in the Great Depression, their late teens and 20’s spent defending their country in WW II, and post-war giving the world the “baby-boomers”, building the suburban life, and leading the country to economic heights never experienced in the history of the world.

When I began writing this blog, I gave myself a few rules to follow. One was to not write about individuals I have known and served over the years, because I could write about individuals in every article. I did give myself a lee-way to write about individuals when their life-story demonstrates perfectly what an era or generation was all about. My first self-excused rule bender is to tell the story of Al and Billie Reger, who both died in the past few months after a 70 year marriage.

Mary Lorraine Burke was born in 1921 in New Hampton, Iowa into a very Irish family. Her father nicknamed her “Billie” for the actress Billie Burke, who starred in many Hollywood productions, famously as Glinda the Good Witch in “The Wizard of Oz”. The Iowa Billie Burke left the family home for the Loyola University School of Nursing in Chicago. When World War II broke out, Billie enlisted in the U.S. Navy and served in the Hawaiian Islands as a Lt. JG and registered nurse.

Alfred C. Reger was born in Minneapolis in 1920 on the north side. He attended Ascension School and went on to be a sports star and president for the Class of ’38. He was one of 8 children in a family with a disabled father, so Al contributed to the family coffers by selling homemade donuts door-to-door in the 1st grade. He enlisted in the U.S. Navy at the start of WWII and served as a Lieutenant J.G., pilot, and flight instructor in the Hawaiian Islands.

If you are connecting the dots, you know where this is leading. While leaving morning Mass during Lent on base, Al and Billie met in what Al described as a “Hollywood movie romance.” The Island had 250, 000 servicemen and 5 female Navy nurses. Their romance blossomed during walks in the sand, jeep rides and acrobatic rides in Al’s 2 seater plane. Following the war, Billie moved to Minneapolis where she became the Maternity Ward Supervisor at St. Mary’s Hospital. They were married in 1949.

Billie and Al settled on the Robbinsdale side of Victory Memorial Parkway where they began a family. Billie gave birth to daughter Kathleen and sons John, Jim, Jerry and Kevin in the 50’s. Billie dedicated her life to her children while the entrepreneurial spirit continued to blossom in Al, who went on to become the president of the C.J. Duffey Paper Company.

The Reger sons inherited their father’s genes when it came to sports. They all excelled at Benilde High School, mostly in basketball. The greatest cheerleader in the stands? Billie Reger, not just for her sons but for the Benilde teams. She was active in the Mother’s Club, the then all-boys school version of the parent-teacher association. She could call us all by name, knew who we belonged to, and was a very pleasant force around the school. Always in a great and gregarious mood, you felt good about yourself and your school when you finished an encounter with Mrs. Reger.

The late 60’s were a very disruptive time for Catholic education, and Benilde was no exception. The school was started by the Christian Brothers as a “mission” of De La Salle in Minneapolis. The Christian Brothers decided to leave Benilde after the 1970 school year. In the middle of the winter we received the news that there would be no “Class of 71” from Benilde High School.

A committee of four Benilde fathers, led by Al Reger, took on the task of saving the school. They secured a meeting with Archbishop Binz to plead the case on why Benilde should remain. The Archbishop informed them that if they could find a religious order to replace the Christian Brothers, he would allow the school to continue.

I was not at that meeting, but to this day I can see a vision of how it played out. Al Reger, always calm and forever the epitome of a gentleman, standing up and thanking the Archbishop for the opportunity to find a way. The challenge would be accepted, dealt with, and achieved. There would be no complaint from Al that the task was daunting, only resolution to find the solution. In the fall of 1971, the Benedictine Monks of St. John’s Abbey staffed Benilde High School. It was the beginning of the merger with St. Margaret’s and the result continues with the very strong combined school. Each year, the Al Reger Award is presented to a worthy graduate.

Al and Billie lived long, happy and prosperous lives. They continued to be involved in the community to their very last years. They were lifelong friends of my parents, Al and my mother at Ascension School, Bob Delmore and Al together at De La Salle, and ironically enough, Pharmacist Mate Bob and Nurse Billie stationed together in Hawaii. The weekend that my father was dying, 10 months after my mom, the last non-family to sit at his bedside were Billie and Al.

At age 98, on January 23rd of this year, Billie died peacefully with her husband and children at her side. When I arrived to call for her, 99 year old Al correctly chronicled how far back the Reger and Delmore families went. He had it all right- years, names and all. He even stated to all of us around Billie’s bed that each family had lost an adult son; his son Jim and my brother Paul. True to their generation, all four of them met that great sadness with grace and faith.

Al wanted to be sure that Billie received the military honors she deserved at Ft. Snelling. On a cold January day, the dignified Al Reger was in a wheel chair to receive the folded flag. The same calm that was his character was evident as he gratefully acknowledged the presenter. The man I always said was one of the finest individuals I have been privileged to know looked frail that day, but he still had presence.

The COVID-19 pandemic has created some less than satisfying moments. Three months later we were back at Ascension Church for Al’s funeral Mass. There were 7 family members, two musicians, two funeral directors and a priest. I began that day thinking how unfair that this WW II Pilot, extraordinary citizen, father, grandfather and devout Christian had no one there to honor him.

Fr. Dale Korogi, pastor of Ascension parish, put it all in perspective as he blessed Al’s casket reminding us that it was in that very church 99 years ago that his parents brought Al to be baptized. Fr. Dale said the parish was only 31 years old when Al received his Baptismal promises. He told us to think of all that Al had accomplished in those years, how good he had been to the church, both in prayer and philanthropy. It was complete and had come full circle. Just his family brought him for his Baptism, and now just his family brought him to be gifted back to God.

In about two weeks we will commemorate Memorial Day. For all of us baby boomers, it will be a chance to reflect and remember the sacrifices our parents made for us personally, for our country and our freedoms. With each passing Memorial Day, the “Greatest Generation” is fewer in number, and soon they will be but a memory.

You likely have a Billie and Al story in your family or in your hometown. If they are still living, have them share a story of their life with you. If they are gone, be sure to tell your children or grandchildren how that member of “The Greatest Generation” left this world a better place.

The Greatest Stories Hopefully Told

Tue, 14 Apr 2020 19:36:00 GMT

Funeral Directors wearing face masks unload a coffin out of a hearse on March 16, 2020 at the Monumental cemetery of Bergamo, Lombardy

(Photo by Piero Cruciatti / AFP)

Easter 2020 will go down as the most unusual one in U. S. history. It marks the first time in 243 years as a nation that there were no formal indoor church services. A remarkable side effect of the stay at home orders across the land.

For people of faith, the options were to participate in church Easter services online from home. Others opted to watch movies and videos of the Passion and life of Jesus Christ. One truly iconic film is “The Greatest Story Ever Told.”

For the past three Sunday editions of the Minneapolis StarTribune, the obituary pages have carried approximately 180-190 paid notices. The vast majority of them have a statement that reads something like this; “Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, a celebration or memorial will be held when safe to do so.” I don’t feel it would be an exaggeration to say that there are at least 300 to 400 delayed services waiting for this crisis to pass. The backlog grows every day.

Some families have opted to have small services with 10 present to fit the state and CDC guidelines on gatherings. Some services are being streamed online on either church or funeral home websites. Families wishing to honor loved ones burial requests have followed the small attendance guidelines in order to accomplish church services and burial in the required number of days. Others have buried or cremated and delayed rituals to give the largest number of people possible the opportunity to participate.

I have had conversations with a number of colleagues from funeral homes in the Twin Cities and across the state. After each uttered statements of being in unchartered waters with the COVID-19 crisis, each one has struggled with mapping a strategy of how we are going to accommodate all the requests for times and venue space when social distancing measures are lifted. Without prompting, each expressed their greatest fear and uncertainty: how many people would neglect to have any gathering or memorial at all. I asked each colleague to guess a percentage of ones who would forgo any remembrances, the lowest saying 40%, and the highest saying 60%.

In the first decades of my career not having services held for the public within three days or so of a person’s passing would have led to rebellion on the streets. The strong-willed pastors of the ‘50’s and 60’s, regardless of denomination, would have been on the steps of the capitol crying out for compassion to bury the beloved dead.

The cremation rate in Minnesota hovers somewhere in the low 60% range and prior to the pandemic it was not uncommon for some people to delay memorial services because cremation gave them the latitude to do so. The numbers the mandates have created are a different story altogether.

Every life needs to be commemorated. In some manner, whether under a shelter in a city park or the dome of a great cathedral. The stories that are told are of great comfort to the ones who need to hear them the most. It is a natural reaction to turn inward when suffering a loss. One of the most important things a funeral accomplishes is to turn the ones grieving back into society. Funerals, memorials or celebrations have many tasks to be completed shortly after experiencing a loss. Arrangements with funeral directors, clergy, cemeteries, caterers, florists are all interactions that allow the grieving process to begin. None of those things are happening now. Families will relay stories that when they entered the florist’s shop, the lady who works behind the counter would tell them that their mother sent flowers year after year to a neighbor who had lost a child many years before. Often times the survivors never knew, and they are the interactions that give the most comfort.

At my own father’s wake, I stood at the door and greeted many people, most I could call by name. They were the closest to him, to our family and to his lifelong profession. I was stumped by one man I had never laid eyes on before. He told me that he lost a young daughter in the early 1970’s right after my dad started here and before I was a part of the company. He told me that had it not been for Bob’s kindness and compassion, he doesn’t think he would have made it through the process of burying his child. He didn’t say his name, he quickly went into the room to say a prayer and was gone. His interaction with my father over 40 years prior. Of all the notes, letters and spoken kind words, it is without a doubt the thing I remember the most about that day.

I have great compassion for the families who are experiencing a loss during this pandemic, whether the COVID is a part of the cause of death or not. Our normal world goes way too fast. In a world that has been greatly slowed by stay at home orders that have cleared the streets, one of the processes that would benefit the most from the slower pace is the letting go of ones we love. Instead of taking time to interact with neighbors, friends and more distant relatives, current survivors are limited to 10 people holding their hand with the hope that others will remember, pause and reflect when our world revs up and once again goes way too fast. One hundred eighty times each recent Sunday have been the outlines in printed form about “The Greatest Stories Hopefully Told.” When the pandemic has passed, a great tragedy may be that those stories became the victims of “social distancing”.

‘Tis a Quiet, Holy Day in Cloonlumney

Tue, 17 Mar 2020 18:22:00 GMT

When I was in grade and high school, my mother Margaret would often comment on St. Patrick’s Day, that in her parents’ native Ireland the day wasn’t one of revelry, like in the U. S., but rather a Holy Day that would end in a wee bit of a pint and songs at the pub. Margaret had never been to Ireland, but relied on the memory of her father, Pat.

Patrick Peter Roddy was born in the early 1890’s on the family farm in Cloonlumney, just outside of Ballaghadarreen, County Roscommon. Pat, and two brothers emigrated to the U.S. in what is known as the post Potato Famine period from 1850’s through 1929. The youngest brother, Jim, stayed on the farm to assist their parents. Pat served in the U.S. Army in World War I and fought in France. He married Catherine Foley in St. Paul after the war and they had two children, Margaret, born in August, 1921 and son John born in October, 1922. Catherine died shortly after from Tuberculosis, the consequence of caring for her two sisters until their death from the same ailment. Pat worked the Soo Line rails from St. Paul to Chippewa Falls and relied on family to help raise his children in their early years.

Cloonlumney is best described as an “L” in the road, a corner that includes St. Colman Church. Around the L you run into the Roddy farmhouse, an ancient little home in the classic Irish cottage style. It has served the family for generations. A tad further and one runs into the Derrinacartha National School where generations of my mom’s family were trained, including my grandpa Pat. Twice I have stood in that two room schoolhouse and thought of my grandpa, who died when I was 13. My mom’s cousin, another John Roddy, also went to school there. John’s widow Marion was the last to live in the family home, my cousin Catherine Roddy visited there a couple of years ago and discovered that Marion was in the nursing home in Galway, 40 miles to the west. We have lost track of the next generation, and unfortunately not sure if the farm is still in the family. Once Marion is gone, it will end generations who have tilled that small farm.

My parents made two trips to Ireland in their traveling days, the second time with her brother John and Auntie Mabel. Brother and sister got a chance to meet their cousins and remaining members of their generation, as well as walk the countryside they had heard their father speak of so many times. Mary and I have made two journeys as well, the second trip included our two kids to show them a part of their heritage and from where their ancestors hailed.

The internet allows one to do a little sleuthing. I have found photos for the Derrinacartha School. The last time I was there I spent as much time dodging the pigeons as I did marvel that I was standing in the same school my grandpa studied in over 100 years earlier. Some things never change! The N5, the national road that leads from the spoke of roads outside Dublin to Galway serves that area. I have looked at drawings of portions of a “Dual Carriageway” that is replacing the national highway we would call a small county road.

The internet also allows you to see how holidays are celebrated around the world. My mother used to insist that St. Patrick’s Day was solemn in Ireland and perhaps it once was. The last few years, photos of the partying, green beer and Leprechaun outfits that would make the Notre Dame Mascot blush were aplenty. I’m not so sure that St. Patty’s day has had quite the same flavor my mother wished for.

St Patrick’s Day 2020 will make her description accurate. With the Corona Virus raging around the world, St. Patrick’s celebrations have been canceled in great Irish cities like Boston, Dublin and Cork, and not so Irish cities like Fargo and Bismarck, North Dakota. The parades won’t roll, the beer may be green, but certainly won’t be flowing in Irish pubs in Chicago, Pittsburgh nor Dublin.

The Irish people have endured floods, famines and persecution since the days of Cromwell. My mother’s family struggles on that little farm in County Roscommon is just a small sliver of the hardships endured for generations. The last twenty years or so have been the most prosperous in Irish history, so the uncertainty of the Corona Virus may be the first setback young Irish people have faced. Perhaps it will lead them to prayer, church and just a wee bit of a pint in small clusters. If the resiliency of their forbearers comes through, they will weather this storm as well.

JUNIOUS, CORDELIA AND THE CORPORAL WORKS OF MERCY

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 15:56:00 GMT

Early in their careers, funeral directors learn that they will be called upon from time to time to bury the disenfranchised; people with no family, often times with no assets, and sadly, with no one who cares.

Talk to any funeral director or clergy, and they will likely remember times when they stand at the grave alone, saying a prayer as they bury a lonely soul. It is a strange feeling to stand in one of the large city cemeteries watching the traffic and world whisk by as you lower the person into the ground, knowing that the person will soon be forgotten, often in an unmarked grave because there is no money to buy them a stone.

A few months back I was at my desk with my usual amount of paperwork to slog through when I received a call. It was from a lady I did not know who had been referred to me. She asked if I would help her bury her friend, an individual with distant family in Louisiana. She wasn’t sure if the family members were still living, but this gentleman had become a part of her family.

Junious lived for many years in the Lake Minnetonka Care Center, a facility that dedicates its care exclusively to serve the mentally ill. It is in Deephaven and was formerly a summer respite on the lake for the well to do of Minneapolis. For the past 60 years it has served the mentally ill, continuing to do so as the neighborhood has blossomed into beautiful homes and an affluent neighborhood.

Cordelia is a resident of that neighborhood. She would see Junious walking past her home daily and a number of years ago, saw him doing so on Easter Day. She walked out and invited him to join her family for Easter brunch. His answer was that he only wanted to eat if it was a Christian house and wasn’t sure if her house would pass the test. She assured him they were Christian and he joined her family that day.

One invitation became a near daily ritual including Junious joining her husband every Sunday afternoon to watch Vikings and NFL games. Cordelia volunteered at the local parish as a sacristan for daily Mass and would go early to prepare the altar. She would then hightail to the Care Center to pick up her friend who would accompany her to Mass. If she was a little behind, Junious would let her know!

The morning after Junious’ death, Cordelia came to the funeral home to make plans for his Mass. She makes quite an entry, a slight woman with an enormous smile and a sunny disposition to match. She has an indomitable faith, a wonderful sense of humor, friends galore and only one goal that day; to be assured that her friend Junious had a dignified and proper burial.

Go back to the beginning of this article and realize that this gentleman would fit the criteria of what funeral directors normally experience. She explained to me that when she lost her husband a few years prior she bought additional graves at the church cemetery. The graves for her family and one for Junious so that he would not be buried alone. She asked for me because she had been told that I would help her bury Junious with dignity and the proper rituals of Holy Mother church.

Junious was buried by the Christian Community all chipping in; there were no fees assessed by the church, the grave prepared for burial well below cost, the funeral home arranged for a Trappist Monk casket so that Junious could be buried as Cordelia’s husband was. The funeral expenses from us the bare minimum for a graveside service. Cordelia bought a simple elegant spray for the top of his casket. Talented members of her family were the musicians and sang from the heart.

The day of his Mass turned out to be a hot, sticky mid-September day. Imagine our surprise when used to little or no one in attendance, we found about 60 people at St. John the Baptist in Excelsior to pray for Junious.

Standing by his casket, Cordelia looked radiant in a beautifully stylish dress and large brimmed hat. She greeted all in attendance and walked behind his casket as we escorted him to the front of the altar for Mass. Her sons and grandsons were pallbearers. The administration and many staff of Lake Minnetonka Care Center were there as well. When we arrived at the cemetery to bury Junious almost everyone had accompanied us.

The cemetery has a long driveway that rolls down a ravine to get to the burial spots. The grave was at the foot of that road. As I drove out of the cemetery with Fr. Alex Carlson following the burial prayers, I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw Dee-Dee (as her friends call her) gently kiss the top of the casket prior to walking away.

Christian faiths refer to the burial of the dead as one of the Corporal Works of Mercy. Funeral directors often are given credit for the corporal work of burial of the dead, and indeed many times it is true. Dee Dee is one who provided Corporal Works of Mercy every day for years for her friend Junious. Feeding the hungry, visiting the lonely and suffering, providing a daily respite where Junious could come visit and be accepted as part of the family.

If given a chance to respond in this article, she would extol all the things that Junious did for her family without even realizing it. How to be gentle, loving and non-judgmental. You could see the care for Junious in the faces of the musicians and pallbearers, he was a part of their world and that day was set aside to honor him.

There are many times in the daily work of a funeral director where you walk away from a lonely grave wondering if that poor soul will ever be remembered. As I looked in the mirror and saw the stylish woman with the wide-brimmed hat give her friend one last act of reverence, I realized that Junious had been given riches in this world that no money could ever buy.

A New Year and a New Resolution to Plan End of Life

Mon, 20 Jan 2020 23:09:00 GMT

I experience on nearly a daily basis, the following scenario; While greeting guests at the door of the funeral home or church, someone will walk up and say, “Bill and I are going to come and sit down with you and plan our funerals. We are going to do this very soon, I ‘ll call you in the next few weeks. We want to get this taken care of for our kids”.

The same routine over and over, often times predictably by the same people! Some do get around to it, but for many, it never happens. Months, many times years later, the funeral home phone will ring and one of their children will say, “Mom says she has it all planned with you, Dan”. I am blessed with a good memory inherited from both my parents, and often I can pull out statements their parents have made about things they like; songs, military honors, services that they like and services they don’t. There are also times when the well is dry and I can’t help them with any specifics even though often times I know their family well.

A new year is a new beginning and if you fall into the category that I just described, you need to resolve that 2020 is the year this necessary part of life will be dealt with. But how do you start?

It begins with a conversation with those closest to you. The National Funeral Directors Association began a program a few years ago called “Have the Talk of a Lifetime”®. It is an awareness program that suggests you sit down and talk about end of life; planning your services and how you want to be remembered. There is a link to the program on our funeral home website and is available from any funeral home who belongs to NFDA. It is an excellent way to open up what can be a sensitive topic.

You can also go through the entire planning process on our website by filling out the pages of information about your background, your family members and your wishes for services. Our website includes pricing information on our professional services, caskets, vaults, urns and printed material. It has links to area florists and cemeteries such as Ft. Snelling, Lakewood and the Catholic Cemeteries. You can plan it all, hit the button and it will be recorded in our offices.

One of our funeral directors, Jessi Rinne, is dedicated to the pre-arrangement process. She has hundreds of meetings a year with people interested in pre-planning their services as well as making payment for them. Minnesota has strict laws about how the accounts are set, using funeral insurance as the means of funding. Jessi is very knowledgeable in all aspects of pre-planning, including the intricate details when Medical Assistance spenddowns are necessary. She is available by either calling one of our three locations or via email jrinne@delmore.com .

Having the “Talk of a Lifetime” is a wonderful gift to your family. It gives those close to you an opportunity to express what they would need when that day comes, as it will for us all. Remember, the funeral commemorates a live well lived, a life that should be celebrated, but also needs to be grieved. Make sure you give those left a chance to share and shed a tear.

So there you have it, click a few times and an entire pre-plan will unfold, complete with an expert who can meet with you for general information and specific plans. A New Year’s resolution that starts with a talk and provides peace of mind for many lifetimes, yours and the ones you care for the most.

-Dan Delmore

The Nativity Set

Mon, 02 Dec 2019 20:59:00 GMT

December 1, 2019

Hugh and Clare Delmore were home this past weekend for Thanksgiving, and while home they assisted in setting up the crèche pictured above.

The Nativity set has a long history in our family, and my children roll their eyes as they hear this story every year!

The year is 1930, 9 year old Bob Delmore and his sister, 7 year old Denise are quarantined in their south Minneapolis home with Scarlet Fever. It is Christmas season and their mother, Nora, realizes it is a terrible time to keep her children in seclusion. Her remedy for visiting Santa and Christmas shopping is to give each child one selection from the Sears catalogue. It is depression time and the selections have to be kept within a certain range.

Bob chose a Nativity set of Plaster of Paris figures; Mary and Joseph, three Wiseman, shepherd and assorted stable animals as well as the camels for the kings. Baby Jesus and his manger were made of wax. Years later the stable would be handmade and added to the set which was a part of the Christmas celebration at Bob and Margaret’s home for decades.

The figures have held up quite well for 90 years, the cloaks on Joseph and the Wise men are checked, and unfortunately the wax Baby Jesus and crèche melted in the hot attic in the 60’s. I bought my dad a Christmas present that year at the Friendship Shop in Miracle Mile, and the Christ Child is now 50 years and counting. One original camel is still displayed, the others have crumbled away and are not leg-worthy! Bob’s Nativity set has been a part of Christmas decorations at the Dan Delmore home for the past 25 years.

Christmas traditions were carefully maintained by Bob Delmore. The tree went up only during Advent, usually about the 2nd week and came down on the Feast of the Epiphany, the end of the Christmas liturgical season. Presents were opened on Christmas Eve, not in the morning, and many years we would go driving around the area to look at Christmas lights.

Bob was also a funeral director which meant that most years he was also at work. We would patiently wait on Christmas Eve for his return, one year so many people died that evening that we never opened the packages until the 26th, Boxing Day in England! I never heard him complain, nor did our mother Margaret who would explain to us that in some families it would not be a very happy Christmas that year.

No matter how busy the day would get, there was always a delightful Christmas in our home. Christmas cookies, packages, visiting grandparents and having them over for Christmas dinner, the family going to Midnight Mass, waking in pre-dawn to see if Santa left what you were hoping for under the tree. I never recall being disappointed.

I hope your family has many traditions that have been carried on over the years. Perhaps you have started some new ones that will live on with your children and grandchildren after you are gone. If the Wise men cloaks hold out, my wish is that one of my children will continue to display the 1930 Nativity set long after I am gone.

-Dan Delmore, owner of Gearty-Delmore Funeral Chapels

The Feast of All Saints

Fri, 01 Nov 2019 18:39:00 GMT

Photo Credit: Brittanica.com

Last evening, children participated in the centuries old tradition of Halloween, also known as “All Hallows Eve”. Today in Catholic churches, the faithful will attend Mass for the Holy Day known as All Saints. Tomorrow, November 2nd, All Souls Day, the Episcopal Cathedral of St. Mark in Minneapolis will have a Eucharist for All Souls Day, featuring a liturgical performance of the Requiem by Gabriel Faure.

Throughout the month of November, many churches will have a scroll prominently placed that is a Necrology of the members who have died in the past year. My parish, St. Bartholomew’s in Wayzata, places a book where one can inscribe the names of family and friends who have died this year or other years. The parish prays for them throughout the month.

Tonight throughout the world, especially in Latin American countries and the Philippines, families will spend the night at the graves of recent dead and their ancestors, as a sign of remembrance and respect. Known as “Dia de los Muertos” or the “day of the dead”.

Ascension parish in North Minneapolis annually has a “Dia de los Muertos” altar where Hispanic families place candles and mementos of the one’s they have lost. Many years at Ascension this display is built around the devotional to Our Lady of Guadalupe, prominent in the church.

Why do we commemorate All Saints and All Souls Days? All of these customs, traditions and prayers center on the need to honor and remember the dead. The tradition is actually three days;

All Hallows Eve or Halloween refers to the eve of All Saint’s Day. Hallow means holy, so it is a Holy Night prior to the recognition of all the saints. Some traditions suggest that the saints return to earth that night to give advice, counsel and visit with those left behind. It is where the tradition of ghosts, goblins and skeletons associated with Halloween hail from.

All Saints Day is to remember those saints who lived Holy lives without a formal day assigned throughout the church liturgical calendar. When our loved ones die they become a member of the “Communion of Saints”, so often referred to in our prayers. All Saints day liturgies include the “Litany of the Saints” where the most recognized saints’ names are chanted, requesting they pray for us. The refrain is “All you Holy men and women pray for us”.

All Souls Day, primarily celebrated in the Catholic Church, provides the faithful the opportunity to pray for those souls in need of our prayers. Hopefully they too will soon be counted amongst the “Communion of Saints”.

Take a moment during November to remember those who have gone before you. Say a prayer or log a person close to you in one of the many Necrologies prominent in many churches and denominations. In our modern world that moves way too fast, it is good to have a month of remembrance, to reflect on wonderful and sacred memories of the ones who paved the way for us.

SALEM AVENUE: THE “VISTA OF WOODDALE LUTHERAN CHURCH”

Fri, 20 Sep 2019 16:14:00 GMT

The sign on the corner of W. 40th St. and Wooddale Ave. S. changed recently from Wooddale Lutheran Church to Vista Lutheran Church, the result of the combination of the parishes of Wooddale and Prince of Peace Lutheran Church on Highway 7 in the Knollwood area of St. Louis Park.

When churches merge, many bishops and synodical leaders recommend a fresh start; a name change to reflect the vision of the congregation moving forward. Lately, I have been thinking Vista Lutheran Church was an interesting name to settle upon. So I looked up in Webster’s-Merriam Dictionary to find two definitions for the word “Vista”: A distant view along an avenue or an opening; an extensive mental view (as over a stretch of time or events).

You may be wondering why a funeral director’s blog would begin with a name change of a church? For me, it is very simple. I grew up in the Wooddale Lutheran church parking lot. The distant view along an avenue was Salem Avenue S., and the opening was the cut-through at the dead-end of our street that led into Wooddale’s parking lot. If you travel to Salem Ave., one block east of Wooddale Ave, you would find 18 homes, most built after World War II, now most having been remodeled and refurbished. You would not call the vista a “distant” view unless you were learning to ride a bike on the natural incline from Wallin’s home to 41st. St. near Joe and Helen Hartl’s home.

Salem Avenue was a great place to grow up. St. Louis Park in the late 50’s and through the 1960’s was wall to wall children. The 18 homes on our block provided ample playmates for Kick the Can, touch football and daily softball games. Many of those games were held in the dead end street, with an occasional delay for the only daytime car on the block; Millie Wetterlund’s community errand car, the original Uber. As the number of participants in games grew, the natural spot for a larger softball diamond was the parking lot of Wooddale Lutheran Church.

Pastor Paul Obenauf would always greet us on those summer afternoons. He knew us all by name, his parishioners, kids from Aldersgate United Methodist, and especially the Delmore and Battaglia kids- who not only played on his lot all summer, but also walked through the parking lot 4 times each school day commuting to Most Holy Trinity School across Wooddale. Pastor Obenauf and his wife Ruth were extremely well known to all of us and to our mothers- my mother and he were on a first name basis. Wooddale lot was also the thoroughfare to Miracle Mile Shopping Center. With dad at work and no car, moms with kids in tow and coaster wagons to convey their groceries from the Red Owl, would often stop and chat with Pastor Paul. Salem Avenue had a town square all its own in the parking lot of Wooddale Lutheran.

We all watched intently in the summer of 1964 as Wooddale built the new and current sanctuary. The construction site during afterhours presented plenty of opportunities to climb through construction restraints, always with a lookout for Ralph Wallin, our neighbor, Wooddale Lutheran parishioner, and father of Julie, Karen and Susan, the latter two always in the middle of any adventure we started.

The St. Louis Park Historical Society lists the dedication date of the new church as being held on April 25, 1965. The church was packed with members and neighbors, including 11 year old Dan Delmore. I remember the buzz from the congregation as our pastor from Most Holy Trinity, Fr. William Cornelius McNulty, was on the altar for the dedication and complimented Pastor Obenauf for the kneelers and the daily prayer chapel of the new church. It was ecumenism not seen in 1965.

Over the decades I have attended many neighborhood services there; numerous weddings and the burial services of many of the parents on Salem Ave. who called Wooddale Lutheran their church home. In 1976, the very first months of my funeral home career, I had the sad duty of taking care of 12 year old Jimmy McBride and in more recent years his parents John and Faith, as well as their son, Steve, one of our block mates who died in his early 50’s. The full spectrum of life has been realized at Wooddale Lutheran Church, interwoven in the lives of all of us from Salem Ave. S.

Rev. Tim Rauk was pastor of Wooddale for 32 years, his years coincided almost exactly with my arrival at the Park Funeral Chapel. He has heard these stories so many times in the car with me he could have written this article from memory, adding the carnage of a broken pickle dish in the Wooddale kitchen to boot. Yes, I am the guilty party!

So, Wooddale Lutheran becomes Vista Lutheran Church. Will it always be Wooddale Lutheran Church to all of us who grew up in the parking lot? Probably so, but here is hoping that the stories and memories become the extensive mental view (as over a stretch of time or events) for many more families, wedding couples and confirmation classes. Wooddale Lutheran Church, the Vista of Salem Ave.

-Dan Delmore, owner of Gearty-Delmore Funeral Chapels and long-time resident of Salem Avenue in St. Louis Park